The boxes are packed, the goodbyes are said, and your child tells you they’re fine. Maybe they are. But Missionary Kids (MKs) often carry more than they can put into words, especially when they can see how much the move is costing you too.

Grief in kids rarely looks like grief. It can show up as:

• Maturity that hides sadness: “I’m fine, don’t worry about me”
• Faith words that skip the pain: “It’s God’s plan,” before any tears
• Holding back from new friends: “Why bother? They’ll leave too”
• Stomachaches or trouble sleeping, especially around a transition
• Big reactions to small things

None of this means something is wrong. Usually it means something mattered.

Share your own feelings first

Kids learn which feelings are allowed by watching you. If you’re always the strong one, they’ll try to be strong too. So say it out loud: “I miss our friends. This move is hard for me too.”

Healthy vulnerability isn’t unloading your worries onto your child. It’s letting them see that sadness is safe in your family, and that you can feel it and still be okay. Take the heavier things to your spouse, a friend, or a counselor. Your child doesn’t need to take care of you. They need to see that you’re human.

Then make room for your child’s feelings

When your child opens up, resist the urge to fix it. “You’ll make new friends” and “God has a plan” may both be true, but they arrive too early. Try:

• “That’s a real loss. I’m sad about it too.”
• “What do you miss most right now?”
• “You seem like you’re carrying something heavy today.”

Then wait. Get to eye level. Sit close without pressure. If they get angry or say something hard to hear, stay. Holding your child’s feelings, even the unpleasant ones, tells them those feelings won’t push you away.

If you missed the moment, go back: “I think I missed something earlier. Can you tell me what was going on for you?” Children don’t need parents who never miss. They need parents who come back.

For reflection: God collects every tear in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), yours and your child’s. When did your child last see you name your own sadness about the move?